THE WORST REDWALL FANFIC EVER
by Badgertooth
Summary: Did you ever read a REALLY bad redwall fanfic/pass-along-story/example of roleplaying? Well, you ain't seen nothin' yet... (COMPLETE)
1. CHAOTER !: GARTAR aTTACKS

General Surgeon Warning: This fanfic is SUPPOSED to be bad. I've combined the worst elements of Redwall fanfiction (not any of the ones from fanfiction.net, of course! I mean from, er, other sources... BUM BUM BUUUUM...) and rolled them all up into one, huge, awful, good-for-nothing fanfic. Why read it, then?! Who knows, you might learn what NOT to do, or you might laugh at the pitiful excuse for writing.  
  
NOTE: reading this fanfic has been known to cause a fondness towards actual Redwall books you've taken for granted. View the following fanfic with caution! Not responsible for lost or stolen articles. All your base are belong to us. Please keep hands and arms inside the site at all times. Don't throw pennies over the ledge. The worst Redwall fanfic ever is not for everyone, side affects may include, but are not limited to, blindness, deafness, and death. Please consult your physician. Non-toxic! Close cover before striking. Not suitable for children under the age of 4, may contain small parts. Financing subject to credit check and approval. See teller for details. Keep out of reach of small children.  
  
  
  
  
  
TJE QUEST FOR THE BLADE OF THE BLADE OF POWER  
  
DISCALIMER: I dont own redwall, redwall is owned by brain jaques. i own all the character s in this story except for ones i didnt make.  
  
Gartar the mean was a fox who had long hair like a human that was died blue. He wore jeans, tennis shoes. and a leather jacket. He was a leader of a horde that was really big Gartar had a sister once but she kille d him. Then he was the ruler of his fathers horde. He killed his father to. Gartar wanted to take over mossflower and cut down all the trees and biuld a forest and build a tower. Then hed take o=ver mossflower and destroy redwall because he knows everyne else failed and he wants to be known as the best ever. And it was after The Bell Mkaer and before the Salamndastron  
  
Gartar the mean's horde had 800 marlfoxes, 800 wolfs, 700 foxwolfs, 600 pine martins, 500 wild cats. and one rat. The rat was named scrubbo. Then a squireel named Oakoe came in and slayed Scrubbo. 1 of the marlfoxes said "who killed scrubbo? whos here?" Oakoe tried to kill the marlfox whos name was Icelina with his gullwhacker but was slayed by Gartar. "I hate fishes" Gartar announed. His horde shouted agreement  
  
Meanwhile in Redwall, the abbot was a otter named Shuu. Even though he was an abbot, he kcicked but. One day, Shuu just jumped out of the abbbey and killed stuff. everyone said "Shuu, why did you do that" and he said "i like kill stuff!" I cant tell you why hes an abbot becuz its a secret.  
  
Then Gartar said "lets take over redwall" but in the horde there was a trader. He traded behind Gartars back and one night when Gartar fell asleep the trader picked up a knife. The trafer was named Null and he was a wildcat who used a hook as a weapon.. Null picked up the hook and said "Haha now Ill get revenge on you Gartar becuz you didn't promote me! Now I'll kill you and rule the horde! Then Gartar who wasnt really asleep pushed a button and Null fell in a whole. "Taht's what you get when you trade against me!" Gartar snorted.  
  
At redwall, Oakoes brother Windwillow came to redwall. "Windwillow said "my brother died trying to stop the evil wolf and his horde. Hes dead" Then Matthias camea nd said "Ill stop Gartar's horde." Then Windwillow told Matthias about Gartars horde. "WHAT?!?!" matthais said. "You mean that there is 800 MARLfoxes in Gartar's horde?! How is that possible? And foxwolves aren't even real! They're just foxes wearing wolf costumes! How'd he get so many rare creatures, many of which would be impossible to get? Are you just making this up, you foul cretin? And another thing. Why am I in this story? It's impossible for me to be in this chronological setting!" then matthias forgot about being smart and desided to help  
  
then Gartar laughed. "haha, now i can get into redwall after 5 seasons of trying. once before i tryied to get the secret (sp?) plans and then i couldnt get them and they were for the door and they would open the dorr and well these are the secret plans! hahahahahahhhahaahahahahahahaaha!" then a badger lord named Superstripe the Unrealistic appeared. "whor'e you" Mokkan Jr. said. (he was mookan's son) Superstripe laughed and said "i am neither brocktree or sunflash. i am superstripe, the instrument of your defeat." Then he shot an energy blast out of his hand and killed Mokkan jr. and then he killed a bunch of vermins and they couldnt get him. then they went towards redwall, too, also, to, but then superstripe teleported away. ZOOM  
  
THE EnD OF CHAOTER 1 


	2. CHAPTE R 2; CHIpMUNKS DONT LIVE IN EROUP...

disclaiimer; this is a mineseries now becuase its going to have a bunch of really long parts so i'm not going to call them chapters becuz now their PARTS. KO? and everything in this fanfic is mine and if it looks simlar too something its a COOINCIDENSE!!!   
  
Well then there was a guy named Kinspoon. he was king of the chipmunks who lived in the ocean. There trybe was called the spoonicula tribe of the osean. then then they wnet too Gartar and said "grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr w'ere the chipmunks! we wnna take over redwall because long ago Abbot Songbreeze came to th bottom of teh osean and killed us but only one survived and he was carrying the egss which hatched into all of us (because everyone knows chipmunks hatch from eggs) and then we all got old but w e drank the magic potion of voldemorto and we live a lomg time so let us in your horde." Gartar let them in but he thouhgt up a brillant plan to kill the chimpmunk leader. I cant tell you it yet becuz its going to be a suprise.   
  
Meanwhile in redwall there was an hedghog with a turban and he wwas very cowardly and he said "my name is Proffesor Quills" because it was. secretly, he was posessed by the spirit of Cluny the Scurge. on the back of his neck there were two slitted eyes and slitted nostrils and. Matthias came running in and he said "you are the servent of Cluny's spirit? I thought it was Proffesor Snoope! I thought I herd him bullying you." Proffesor Quills said "my master punishes me when i fail him." Then Proffesor Qyills lunjed at Matthias but when he touched Matthias his fur boiled and turned red because Mathhias's sister died trying to save him from Cluny. In the tv seires. So Proffesor Quills died. "I hate fished" Gartar said. His horde shouted in agreeement.   
  
Meanwhile, in Salamansastron, Superstripe the Unrealistic was polishing his star cruser. Of course, with his unrealistic abilities he was able to clean it by looking at it but he polished it without using his powers to disciline himself. then a hare ran in and said "Superstripe, Superstripe,, Kingspoon joined up with Gartar and now they'll take over redwall!" Superstripe looked quizicly at the hare, whos name was Buckfoot. "How did you know this? i thought Gartar destroied our servalince cameras!" He did" said Buckfoot "but I put a new one there while he was sleeping. What what." Superstripe scrached his head with his enormos hands. "Hmm... I better travel lightly. Ill pack only the basics: my elastic silk sling, studded leather glove, super sharp, two handed, double bladed sword, hatchet, throwing axes, axe of brocktree, war mallet, blow gun ,axe of badgers, leviathan death blade, badger warhammer, fire pebbles, and my serrated hatchet. Oh, also my shield of death, shoulder spikes, war helmet, badger plaitmail, my chain neck protector, flint, a smoke bomb and a flask Grumm's finest magic ale. And a turban... for disguise"   
  
Then Gartar the mean the evil fox used his special super-duper intelligent plan to kill Kinspoon. Gartar put poison in a cup and gave the cup to Kinspoon as a gift and Kinspoon said "thanks" and drunk it and DIED. They buried him in the ground. Then Gartar said "taht's what you get when you join my horde." Then Gartar took the sercet (somewon emailed me on a message bored and said I speled that wrong i spelled it "secret" last chaoper, imagine that!) plans and threw them at the door of the abbey and the door turned into caught on fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then Gartar said "TAKE REDWALL! TAKE REDWAL! TAKE REDWALL! TAKE REALDWALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" then they took out the secret wepon of destrucshon. It was called the atom bomb. he through it at the abby but Shuu picked up a shoe (irony. cool. huh.) an d threw it at the bomb and it flew harmlessly away into the ocean. (maybe in another fanfic the seelife will mutate from the RADIATION! ill have to see...) Then Gartar said "foiled again" and ran away leaving the abbeybeasts to make a new door. When Gartar got back to his camp he saw......... HIS SISTER! bum bum bum But then she said Gartar said "Hey I killed you! You cant be alive! Cuz your dead." And she said "Hahahhha, your rong Gartar becuz it was I who killed YOU!" "We will see, my sister who is named Garrette!" he said. Now they must battle to the death to see who killed who   
  
END OF PART II (isnt it cool how I use roman numberals?) 


	3. HALF 3: th3 M4G1C S+0/\/3 r0x0rs

THE WORST REDWALL FANFIC EVER - paret 3 of i dont no how mny (it wuz gonna b a longr title but i ran outta room)  
  
OK I LEARND THAT CAPS MAKE YOU LOOK MUCH SMARTR IN OOFF (THAT STANDS FOR OUT OF FANFIC I MEAD THAT UP MYSELF BECUZ I AM SO SMART9 AND I ALSO LEARN THAT FANFICS LOOK MORE INTELEGINT WHEN U MAKE THEM IN SCRIPT FORM SO IM MAKING THEZE IN SCRIPT FORM NOW). THIS CAHPTER HAS 3 HALFS TO IT CUZ ITS SPECIAL LOL HAHAHA THATWUZ A FUNY JOKE I HEARD SOMEWHERE LAUGH LIKE THIS LOLOLOLOLOLOL  
  
HALf 1  
::Gartar teh mean wuz fightning his siste r who wwas named Garrette but i cahnged it cuz garrett is a boy's name so now shes called Krad and thats dark spelled backwords cuz im so good at making up names and they fought a while and Gartar pulled out his sowrd::  
Gartar: i'm the 1 who killed you garrette who is now named Krad  
Krad: hahahaha! Your wrong, i killed you. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahaahahahahahaha!  
Gartar: You're laffing will be your downfall sister cuz im going to attack you wile your laffing  
Krad: Oh nooooooo!  
::Gartar hit KRad whith his sword but missed::  
Krad: hahahahaha! You missed. Now i will use my ninja star  
::Krad through her ninja star at Gartar and hit him but hhe was still okk::  
Gartar: hahahaha im the main villin you cant beat me! becuz if you did the story would be over  
krad: no it wouldnt it would have a twist becuz the main villin would switch people  
::AUTHORS NOTE; i just read the TAGGERUMG so thats how i made up this good idea::  
Krad: hahahaha see? The authors on my side 2.  
Gartar: but you have no way to beat me cuz i am so much stronger and better at fightings.  
Krad: no your not  
Gartar: yes i am  
Krad: no your not  
Gartar: yesi am  
Kead: no your not  
Gartar: yes i am  
Krad: no your not  
Gartar: no i am  
Krad: yes your not  
gartar: yes i am  
Krad: no your not  
Gartar: yes i am  
Krad: no you r not  
Gartar: yes i am  
Krad: well ok u r but i got a sercet weapon.  
Gartar: wot.  
::krad begins tranfromign and truning into a high clas character who is written by a better author::  
Krad: Ha ha, old chap! By the power of my spell and grammar check ray, I have been able to optimize the efficiency of my spelling. Your puny typo-filled brain cannot comprehend such writing.  
Gartar: yyou're right ahhhhhhhhhhhhhl;saghd;ljsahtio;w4[yoiasklsagtualylq5y28yluawytaleylskhlsghprespearopor  
::gartar disapeers and krad turns back to normil::  
Krad: tahts what u get when you r my brother  
::Krad calls upon her horde::  
Krad: now we must summmon our new ally, the bigest threat to the redwallers since ever. it is a face that they will be farmiliar with but he is now under my control and will help me take over the abbey  
Hordes: we hate dinosaurs  
Krad: Thats right!  
  
HAlF 2  
::meanwile in redwall abby::  
Shuu: hey wats up guys  
Matthias: me and Deyna the 2th r trying to figure out thi s riddle  
Deyna the 2th: yeh this riddle is tuff cuz its like this  
  
this is a riddle my martin the warrior  
so go out and find the magic stone, dont be a worrier  
the magic stone  
will help you win even if you're all alone  
it is in the place with a red wall  
if you jump off a wall you fall  
its berried under ground  
were it must be found  
next to the big red tree  
that you can see  
right now  
you cow  
  
::Shuu shrugs::  
Shruu: its a mistery. martin is 2 clever we cant figure out his riddles. ive got 2 dust the tree now so goodbye and if i find the magic stone while dusting the tree ill tell you but if not i wont cuz i wont have anything to say  
::Shuu starts to dust the tree. then rose comes runnning in::  
Rose: Matthias come quick, i think something's going on  
::They run to the door to find foremole who was hit by a rock laying on the ground with a lump on his head muttering stuff::  
Foremole: in the abbey, war is beginning...  
Matthias: What happen?  
Rose: Someone set up us the rock.  
Deyna the 22th: We get door knock.  
Matthias: What!  
Denya the 2th: Door hatch open.  
::a small hatch on the door opens up to reveal the face of the gost of Cluny the Scourge!::  
Matthias: It's you.  
Cluny: How are you gentlemen!! All your Abbey are belong to us. You are on the way to enslavement.  
Matthias: What you say?  
Cluny: You have no chance to beat me make your pie. Hahaha.  
::Clunys gost flies over to his henchman Spoat whos a stoat::  
Cluny: Pick up every rock   
Spoat: You know what you doing  
::meanwhile in the abbey::  
Matthias: Move rock   
Rose: For great justice  
::Shuu runs up::  
Shuu: hey i found a magic stone  
Deyna the 22th: SWWWEEEEEEEEEETT  
Rose: lets see if it grants us a wish  
Mattthias: but weve gotta move the rocks for great justice!  
Rose: Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
Shuu: i, being abbot, no the magical incantation for the magic stone  
::Shuu says the magic incantation::  
Shuu: SIM, SIM, SALABIM!  
::Captain Planet appeers::  
Captain Planet: Hey kids.  
Matthias: Captain planet, youve gotta save the abbey  
Captain Planet: And YOUVE gotta save the PLANET by recycling and using eco-light-bulbs. The power is MINE  
::Captain Planet disappeers::  
Shuu: Woops, wrong incantation  
  
HALF 3  
::Superstripe the Unrealistic is blowing the hordes up::  
Superstripe: KAMEHA-MEHA!  
::Superstripe blows up a bunch of verman::  
Superstripe: HADOKEN!  
::Superstripe blows up a bunch of verman::  
Krad: hey, your suposed to be in your star cruser not killing us  
::Superstripe puts his turban on::  
Superstipe: I'm not superstripe, im darkdeath, the evil the evil verman whos come to help u  
Krad:  
OKK  
Cluny: lets party!  
::Krad kills clunys gost::  
Krad: tahts waht u get when you're a gost  
  
THE END OF PART 3 


	4. CHAPTRE 5: TEH ROMANSE CHAOTER

PARROT 5 FO TEH WORST REDWALL FANFIC EVER  
  
HEY ITS ME TEH AUTROH OF TJE QUEST FOR THE BLADE OF THE BLADE OF POWER SORRIE IT TOOK SO LONG TO RITE A NEW CAHPTER I HAD TO SEND QUESTIONS TO BRAIN JAQUES WHO HELPED ME WRITE THE REDWAL BOOKS I WROTE 800 QUESTINS IN E-MAIL ACTULEE JUST 746 BUT I SETN A BUNCH OF EMAILS SAYING "ffflsnglsjhlsgjegl" JUST TO ROUND IT OUT NAD 1 QUESTIN WAS "hEY BRAIN WHY DON'T U MAKE 1337 A DIALECT IN UR BOOKZ" SO WITOUT FURPHER ADOO, TJE QUEST FOR THE BLADE OF THE BLADE OF POWER PARRT 5 AT LEAST I THINK IT IS LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL  
  
PST: ANOHTER REEZON I CUDDINT UPDATE 4 SO LONG IS CUZ MY PARENTZ GROWNDED ME CUZ I GOT AN F IN SPELLLING WHO NEEDS SPELING ANEEWAYZ I'M OKAY WIHTOUT IT RITE????????????????????  
  
ACT 1  
::meanwile in teh verman camp TEHRE WAS TRUBBLE*  
krad: im da best  
gartar: no u arent. i'll kill u  
krad: but i just killed u last cahpter!!1  
gartar: o yea.  
::gartar died again LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO::  
krad: so whos going to cause the trubble?  
Darkdeath: Stop looking at me. I didnt do anyhting yet.  
krad: I didnt loko at u  
Darkdeath: in taht case EULALIA!!!!111!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!1!11111!1  
krad: hahahahahahaha a trader! Well trade... THIS!  
::krad pulls out a pack of deadly... POKEMON CARDS::  
Darkdeath: no! Only a fiend would weild a pack of pokemon cards  
KRAD: IM TEH VILLIN  
Darkdeath: must resist cards must not give up must kill verman EULALIA1111111  
::Darkdeath valiants trys to resist but saddly falls::  
Darkdeath: i'll give you a Scyther and a Electabuzz for your shiny magneton  
krad: never!!! a shiny for a shiny!1!  
::TIHS IS 2 BORING SO ILL TALK ABOUR TEH OTHER PPL::  
Spoat: I'm board.  
Icelina: this story sux!  
Spoat: Lets play poker wiht scrubbo, i got a new deck  
Icelina: scrubbo died. remember, teh hole "squirrel" thing.  
Spoat: oh yeh. what about cluny. is he still alive  
Icelina: he wasnt ever alive in tihs story he was a gost  
Spoat: ook. is he still dead?  
Icelina: no, Krad killed him  
Spoat: oh, well that explanes EVERYTHING  
::hordbeasts are boaring so EULALIA::  
Darkdeath: What? A Charizard for a Raichu?! EULALIA!  
::Darkdeath killed 999999999999 verman but it WAS ACTUALLY A TRAP::  
Darkdeath: i am trapped!  
Darkdeath: and i escape!  
::Darkdeath uses his magic powerz to escape::  
Darkdeath: now I will turn into a SUPER BADGER  
::Darkdeath turns gold::  
krad: who are u?  
Darkdeath: ally to good, nightmare to you?  
::Darkdeath beat up Krad, but Krad trapped Darkdeath in a sacred bottle and tossed it INOT TEH ABBY POND:;  
krad: have fun in the abby pond with the ATOM BOMB INSIDE IT TAHT MAKES TEH WATER POSONUS HAHAHA  
  
ACT TOO  
::meenwile Shuu was trying to... CLEAN TEH DISHWASHER::  
Shuu: hey I found a secret noat in the dishwasher and it says these things  
  
you are very dumb  
because you didnt use the right incantashon when it stuck out like a sore thumb  
on the back of the stone its inscribed  
to read it you dont need to be bribed  
it tells you teh words to say  
to save the day  
hooray  
hey  
I'm not done yet  
Ive got to tell u about krad who in preveeis cahpterz was Garrette  
she must be stoppd  
hit her with the magic mop  
boddly-bop  
  
Shuu: these riddles give me a hedache. im going to go see matthias about this  
::Shuu sees Matthias about this::  
Matthias: we must read back of rocks  
Deyna the 2rd: for great justice?  
Matthias: no  
::Matthias reads the incantashon::  
Matthias: vodo-la, pyr-terra-night, cale-yin, tepis-chore, VINKY-WINKY  
::a magic mop appeers::  
Matthias: its teh magic mop of martin  
Rose: martin never had a mop  
Matthias: WELL HE GOT ONE NOW  
::a mousemade walks up to the abby::  
Flowertail: hello is this redwall abby i came here to start a life of peace  
::Matthias falls in love with Flowertail becuz this is an ALTERNATE UNIVERS WERE CORNFLOWER IS UH DEAD::  
::A FEW MINUTES LATER::  
Matthias: Flowertail, we may have just met a few minutes ago but it feels like forever. I luv u!  
Flowertail: I luv u 2  
::THen... KRAD KILLD FLOWERTAIL::  
krad: I hate dinosaurs, fishes..... AND floral mice  
Matthias: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FLOWERTAIL  
::Matthia knocks krad out of teh abby::  
Matthias: oh, flowertail... if only u didnt die, we couldve gotten married, but we cant now.  
::Flowertail miraculously comes back to life::  
Matthias: sw33t!  
::THEN KRAD KILLED FLOWERTAIL AGAIN::  
krad: taht's what you get for coming back 2 life!  
Matthias: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FLOWERTAIL  
::Matthia knocks krad out of teh abby::  
Matthias: oh, flowertail... if only u didnt die again...  
::Flowertail miraculously comes back to life::  
Matthias: now were together 4ever!  
::THen KRAD KILLED FLOWERTAIL YET AGAIN::  
Matthias: fine, she can stay dead.  
krad: YAY!  
::then CORNFLOWER CAME BACK TO LIFE::  
Cornflower: Matthias!!!  
::Matthias gulps::  
Cornflower: Im dead for one minute and then I find you off dating other floral mice!  
Matthias: but...  
::Cornflower charges at Matthias breathing fire but KRAD KILLS HER::  
Matthias: you killed Cornflower!  
krad: yep.  
Matthias: shes dead 4 good!  
krad: yep.  
Matthias: you know there's only one thing I can do in response to this...  
krad: yep.  
::Matthias gives krad $20::  
Matthias: thanks again for saving my skin.  
krad: no prob. Seeya at the hole "final battle" thing  
  
TEH END? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
STAY TUNAD 4 TEH FINAL CHAPTER - COMIGN SOON 


	5. TEH REAL CHAPTRE 5; Teh FINAL BATTLE IS ...

"THE WORST ENDING OF A REDWALL FANFIC EVER"!  
Or THE WORST ENDING OF A REDWALL FANFIC EVER PART 5  
  
Y0 brothas and sistas and all dose in bitween. (u no who u r!) This is teh finaly of my awsum fanfic. I no your all crying now, but i wanna right something new so im gonna end it. altho orijinally this was only going to be the ending of the 1nd book of 52. But its not anymore. So enjo.y teh QUEST FOR TEH BLADE OF PWOER! finalee cuz its TEH BEST MANS! JEEZ, WATS RONG WIT U?!?!??!?!?! Dont u no im da best by now LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLOOOOOLOL anyways  
  
ACT 1  
::meanwile in teh hord TEHERE WAS AN ARMY::  
Krad: We must destroy redwall. 2 long have those stoopid creetuhcres been dere. They think they so better than us WELL THEIR RONG! We will show they. They wont no what hit themselves? It is our time We will TAKE REDWALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL1!!  
::teh hord does not care LOL I MADE A RYME no wate, i didnt::  
Hordbeast: Who cares about redwall. Well just get killed in teh final battle anyways!  
Hordbeast: Yea. Were just expendable. We dont even have names. Wats rong with this author?  
Hordbeast: Its not like verman names r hard to come up with. I could be "Bloodgut", or somethng.  
Hordbeast: The least he could do is give us numbres. It looks like were all the same verman here!  
Krad: BUT WE GOTTA ATTAK REDWALL! THe hole story was about us ATTAKCING REDWALL!  
Hordbeast 1: But why? Were endanjered specieses anyways. We cant just go and die out in some big fight.  
Hordbeast 2: Hey, teh STOOPID AUTHOR gave us numbers. Wat an idiot. His own caracters can manage his fanfic better than him! LOLOLOLOLOLOLO-  
::Hordbeast 2 DIEES VERRY PAINFULY!!!!!!!!!!::  
Hordbeast 3: Um, bangup job with teh story there, autor!  
Hordbeast 1: Yea... butt why shood we attakc REDWALL?!  
Krad: Theyve got fishes there. And dinosaurs.  
Hordbeasts: WE HATE URUGUAY!  
Krad: Uh, yea, okay... well, Redwall is in Uruguay!  
Hordbeasts: WE LOVE THE EOLITHIC AGE!!!  
Krad: JUST SHUT UP AND GO TO REDWALL YA FREEKS  
Hordbeasts: O, ookay!  
::TEHS PEEPS ARE WEERD::  
Kinspoon: Yeh, they killed me and Null just cuz were not tehre frends!!!  
::Autors dont like vermans so EULALIA;:  
  
ACT TO  
::but meenwhile MATTHIAS and DEYNA THE 2ND and ROSE and SHUU and WINDWILLOW all preepared to defend Redwall!::  
Rose: O no! I dont think well be able to defend Redwall. I have no faith in our defences!  
Shuu: dont worry i kill stuff I SAVE TEH DAY I ABBOT WHO SAVE TEH DAY!!!  
Deyna teh 2st: I dunno about that, Abbit Shuu.  
Shuu: huhh?  
Matthias: lets think for a moment. How many vermans are in teh hord again? 800 marlfoxes, 800 wolfs, 700 foxwolfs, 600 pine martins, and 500 wild cats. Thats a gazillion vermans. Factor in the ammount of vermans killed by Superstripe, and then factor in the ammount of vanilla wafers needed to defeat an orcish horde, and tahts a Infinitabillion vermans!  
Shuu: is that... bad?  
Rose: Uh,,, yeah?  
Shuu: Ah, waht de heck. I kill stuffs ANYWAYZ! Slicety-slice!  
Matthas: but we cant... we need help.  
::meenwhile, foremole was laying on teh grass with a rock on his head:  
Foremole: owwwwwwwwww! Hurr, can somebody help me up? Cluny hit me with a rock when war was begining. burr oh eye.  
::but then, a fox came in teh abby::  
Matthias: that sez a lot about our defences, huh?  
Deyna the 2nd: shhhh.  
Brushslay: greetings. I am Brushslay. I am here to aid u against the horde of Krad.  
Shuu: But u verman. Dont u no that all abbybeasts blindly hate all creatures that rezemble vermans in tehse fanficz, only to be provened rong by teh verman's goodness? I kill you! I KILL STUFF!  
Brushslay: I am not bad. I am not a verman. I am a good guy. My parents were slayed by a big badger many seasons ago. I will help you kill Krad.  
Shuu: U seem trustworthy enuff. Pleez accept my biggest appologees.  
Brushslay: shure.  
::Then, Goku appeered from Dragonball Z::  
Goku: hey guys let me help you kill vermans.  
Shuu: shure.  
::Goku disapeers:  
Matthias: This is so bogus, man.  
Rose: Cowabunga, dude.  
Deyna the 2nd: Mondo coolsville, daddyo.  
Matthias: shut up.  
Shuu: I LOVE PUDDING AND KILL STUFF  
::tihs is why its better 2 have short cahpters. after a while, u run out of ideas and charactars go nutso. MEENWILE::  
  
ACT 3  
::TEH VERMANS ATTAKCED:  
Krad: TAKE REDWALL! AND THIS TIME ACTUALLY TAKE REDWALL FOR A CHANGE THIS TIME!  
Hordbeasts: Eye eye, captain!  
Krad: Captain?  
Hordbeats: WE MAKE DINOSAURS EXTINCT!  
Krad: Taht's much betterer!  
::teh vermans waged war upon Redwall. They snook in the back and started attacking. Deyna the Whateverst slew 3000. Not bad for a dibun. Rose slew 20;000. She had a cold taht day after all. Foremole slew 86,000,000 with a handful of dirt he found nearby. Matthias slew 999,999,999,999 vermans. Brushslay slayed 999,999,999,998. vermans. Shuu slayed a wooping GOOGLE verman. Google is funny number. Teh number google was tought up by very dumb sientists::  
Matthias: Oh no, teres still over infinity scores of vermans left  
Rose: We is doomed  
Deyna 2nd: All our Abbey will be belong to them  
Brushslay: I am your allie. I will not betray u. I cannot help that I was born a fox.  
Shuu: I do not care, Matthias I am. I do not like green egs and I KILL STUFFS ANYWAYZ YAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG  
::Shuu killed another krajillionwillionbazilliontillionwilliam vermans, but was sadly hit by a block of wood and slayed::  
Foremole: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
Rose: This truly is tragic  
Foremole: Yes, I think I left my wallet in a tunnel  
::just then... out of the pond... its a frog! its a godmoder! ITS SUPERSTRIPE!!!!!!!!!!!::  
Superstripe the Unrealistic: EULALIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA x20000! I am Superstripe, lord of Salamandastron, son of Rawnblade, waster of worlds! I willn't be denied!  
::Instantly teh hord of verman disentigrated. exsept for Krad::  
Krad: i must fite matthias TO TEH DETH  
Superstripe: Go 4 it.  
::Krad pulls out a lightsaber and battles Matthias until his sword is destroyed::  
Krad: HA H HA I am teh best even tho my vermans are ded I will take redwall.  
::Matthias throws teh mop of martin at Krad::  
Krad: NOT A MOP! HOW DID YOU KNOW MOPS R MY WEEKNESS!!!  
::Krad dies::  
  
ACT 4  
::teh hole abby had a party:  
Matthias: so, ur a desendant of rawnblade's, huh, superstripe?  
Superstripe: Yep.  
Matthias: *muttering* I can see the resemblance...  
Deyna the 2nd: But Shuu was killed... *sniff*  
Rose: Yes, it is ironic that he was killed by stuffs, the stuff he wanted to kill  
Matthias: Um... how?  
Rose: never mind  
Superstripe: ATTENSHON ABBEYDWELLARS. Shuu is ded.  
Deyna the 2nd: NOOOOOOOOOO!  
Superstripe: yes. he is dead. in his place i appoint... BRUSHSLAY!  
Brushslay: I am the first verman abbot of redwall. But i am not a verman. I am your allie. I am a good guy.  
Matthias: WHAT? But.. hes just an obscure co-star! HOW COULD YOU PICK TAHT NEWBIE OVER US?!?!  
Superstripe: I have unrealistic powers of logic.  
::Superstripe hipnotises Matthias::  
Matthias: o, now it is all so CLEAR!  
Superstripe: Yea. Aint that a kick? Well, goodbye. I'm off to create a new universe, with spelll cheker buttonz  
::Superstripe dies:  
Superstripe: ..what?  
::Er, disapeers::  
Superstripe: WOOSH  
Matthias: Well, we have defeeted teh hord... but will veil grow up to be evil? Or even wors, so evil that everyone will say he is misunderstood? Only time will telll, my frends... only time will tell...  
Foremole: U guys sux0r.  
Matthias: this story was just terrible...  
Rose: Hey, at leest I didnt die  
Matthias: another low point of the story.  
Deyna the 2ns; hey matthias dont get down in the dumps  
Matthias: Why not? LOOK AT OUR NEW ABBOT  
Brushslay: I am so peeceful. Its u woodlanders that torment us poor verman. We are forced into this life of villany. Why dont you give us a chance? So what if I stole a few of the abbeybeastses wallets. Tehy dont care, right? I am an abbot.  
Deyna the 2nd: Good point.  
Matthias: if only i could smack taht author...  
::Haha, 2 late, Matty. I'm ending the story::  
Matthias: NOOOOOOOOO-wait, the story is over? YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!  
  
TEH END? YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EULALIA  
  
Doant worrie - next, is teh EPALOG! I cant wate.  
  
Matthias: ARG!!!!!!!! 


	6. THE WORST EPILOGUE EVER

TEH QUEST FOR TEH BLADE OF POWER:EPALOG  
  
Ook this is the final part of my fanfic nad it is very good and u should read it rite now. plz. Its achualy not a part. Its. an epalog. Its about what hapens to the characters after my story. I want to right a diferent storry and Shuu likes kill stuff, if u remembr last part so EULALIA  
  
::it was teh time of 2 years being after TEH QUEST FOR TEH BLADE OF POWRE and they never found a blade of power but they did have a mop::  
Matthias: I am very old. Are u also old Brushslay?  
Brushslay: I am not old. I am your ally.  
Matthias: whateva  
Deyna 2nd: i now have a son named Denyna the 5th.  
Rose: And I am maried to Deyna the 2nd.  
Krad: O look, i'm still dead! Thats just GREAT.  
::tehn SUPERSTRIPE THE UNREALISTIC appeered back from his long voyaj thru his self-created universe::  
Superstripe: hey guyz, i brought you somnething  
Matthais: spell chekers!?  
Superstripe: no, something even better.  
::Superstripe thru some pills at the characters::  
Superstripe: tehse are authro-immuntiy pills. try tehm  
::Matthias, Rose, Denya 2, Brushslay, and everyone else and Superstripe all eat teh pills::  
In a flash, Matthias was freed from the horrible Author's spell. "I... I can SPELL!" he cried in astonishment. "And I'm being described by a half-decent author!"  
::hey u cant do that::  
Deyna the Second grinned. "On the contrary, we can, and we did! It's ironic, isn't it, that your own stupid plot device has freed us from your tyrannical grasp once and for all."  
::tehn DEYNA AND MATTAIS AND SUSEPESTRIPE DIED!!!!!!::  
Superstripe laughed. "You have no more power over them, you cretin! Because you are not really an author. You are, as we ultimately powerful badgers say... an idiot."  
::omg u loosers u sux0r! im suposed 2 b righting this fanfic::  
Rose glared furiously at the sky, and shook her fist, shouting, "You made me, a MOUSE, marry an otter! For that you must pay. But we can't attack you... yet! Superstripe, invent an author tractor beam!"  
"I already did, 5,000 seasons ago," boasted Superstripe, more than likely lying. In any case, he produced the device. He then placed it on the ground. Immediately, it emitted a red glow, and shot a beam into the sky. The evil author was dragged wailing to the ground.  
"Oh-em-gee oo losers!" he began, but it was cut off by his gasp at how his terrible grammar translated into real life. "What did oo do to me?"  
Matthias laughed. "You have been reduced to a character in your own fanfic, scum! Now we will put you in your place, lame one! By the Sword of Martin, Redwall defenders assemble! REDWALL! REDWALL! REDWALL WARRIORS, HOOOOOOO!!!" The bizzare reference completed, the Redwall defenders DID assemble- all 247 of them, including mice, squirrels, hares, and a red badger.  
"Why the red badger?" Rose asked to nobody.  
The red badger leaned over to her, and whispered, "Popular demand, I think. Either that, or our new author is just as big of a hack as our last one!"  
That being said, the Redwall defenders defeated the terrible author in less than 5 seconds. (Superstripe was sleeping while fighting. Otherwise the author would have been defeated before the battle had even begun.)  
Turning to the audience, Matthias began to speak. "Ladies and gentlemen, all who came here to witness this terrible fanfic: we apologize for the terrible writing which you were forced to experience. The moral of this story is that if you're a bad enough author, even your characters won't like your stories. Now, with that terrible story being settled, we characters will present you with a REAL story. A story with action, adventure, romance, sorrow, and happiness. The Best Redwall Fanfic Ever!" All creatures present applauded. "We will begin with  
  
TEH END  
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO-ACK! MY THROAT! 


End file.
